News Article 7

Maui News
Sunday, December 29, 2002

Balloons and Butterflies;
Fragile flights forge bonds of new strength for those living with the greatest of losses
By LIZ JANES-BROWN
Staff Writer

The holidays are a time for remembering loved ones, shared times past and present. But for those who have lost a child, that remembrance is bittersweet. Some mourn quietly and privately. Others reach out to help work through their grief and to make sure their lost child is not forgotten.
Diane Heyerdahl of Kihei, Maui and Cecilia Gabrielli of Davis, Calif., both lost their young teen-aged sons within the past year and the mothers have forged a friendship that has touched many all over the world.
Michael James Heyerdahl was just 13 when he hanged himself in his Kihei bedroom. Diane found him very early on the morning of the Jan. 13. He had set his alarm for 6 a.m. and his gear was ready for his favorite activity, fishing with his friends off the Kihei Pier.
"We'd had a fight," Diane said. "It was an impulsive, tragic thing for him to do. I don't think he meant to actually kill himself. Kids that are planning their suicide wouldn't set their alarm to get up early on a Sunday."
Later, she went on to say that Mikey was always a daredevil, doing things like eating live scorpions at Lokelani Intermediate School or jumping onto his trampoline from the second story lanai. His friends told her he was the bravest kid they ever knew. Shock and disbelief rippled through Kihei at his death.
Maximilian Alexander Sanchez I, Cecilia's son, was 14 when he collapsed and died while watching television with his brothers and sister. That was Feb. 17 after supposedly recovering from the Coxsackie virus. The virus, with its flu-like symptoms, can sometimes inflame the pericardium, the lining around the heart. In Max's case, the heart condition was undiagnosed and the young athlete continued to push himself physically. His death was also a profound shock to the family.
Diane and Cecilia didn't know each other, but met online as each sought to deal with her individual loss and pain. Diane searched the Internet because she was unable to find a local group that met regularly to help support her with the rawness of her new grief.
"We found we had a lot in common," Diane said. "Our sons were only a year apart and both had died last year within a month of each other."
Along with providing mutual support, the mothers wanted to do more, to make sure their sons were remembered and to reach out to other parents suffering the same kind of loss. They set up their own Web site (balloonrelease.com) and what began as an idea for a simple balloon release evolved into a 3 day celebration of life that involved hundreds of bereaved parents and their children from around the world and incorporated sunrise chants over the ocean, a release of butterflies, a luau, and the reading of the names of 707 children as the sun rose atop Haleakela.

"It started out as a thing for us and our two kids," said Cecilia. "But it grew and helped us have something to look forward to this holiday season and celebrate life."
The celebration was planned around Thanksgiving and the two boy's birthdays, which were also just a month apart. Cecilia brought Max's four brothers and sister and their friends to Hawaii to visit Diane and create some new memories.
"They say you should do something different for the holidays, start some new traditions and unite with other grieving parents," Diane said. "So we decided to go to a luau for Thanksgiving."
The feast at the Royal Lahaina was just right, Diane and Cecilia agreed, even to the singing of "I Remember You" as the two mothers held candles aloft in the Kaanapali night air.
As Diane and Cecilia talked about their plans in their grief recovery chat room on the Internet (Groww.org), more and more people wanted to become part of the observances. Diane decided they would read all the names of children sent to them by grieving families to be read aloud at sunrise on Haleakela, one of the most sacred places on earth. By the time the day arrived, they had 707 names of children for whom balloons and butterflies would be released from places as far away as the tip of Africa to every state of the union. It took about an hour from the time they began when there was just enough light to read by.
One parent wrote a poem, "Please, Just Say Their Names" for the occasion. Another wrote of her happiness that her child's name would be spoken in one of the most beautiful places on earth.
The day of the balloon release fell on what would have been Max's 15th birthday. The day began in Kihei at 6 a.m. with chanting led by Kimokeo Kapahulehua and canoes paddled out to sea with the help of the Kihei Canoe Club. Then the group headed out to Hookipa to release a small number of balloons.
"Our Web site has a link for the federal guidelines for balloon releases," Diane said. "Michael was very much into the environment." She added that in some places, people put forget-me-not seeds inside the balloons so once they land, a flower can grow.
Then it was off for a private butterfly release near Hana with just the two families.
"Everything turns upside down when a child dies," Cecilia said, but she found comfort in the story of the caterpillar, which ends life only to become transformed into a beautiful creature.

With 100 monarch butterflies purchased at Butterflies Over Hawaii on Kauai, the families joyfully let the butterflies spread their wings to freedom.
"I'm hoping to draw on a reserve of strength to reach out and calm the children," Cecilia said.
"This started out to be about Michael and Max," Diane said. "Now, it's so much more than two mother's grief. Now we can also celebrate the lives of our children."
After Cecilia and her children had returned to California, Diane reflected on the events of the days the families had together.
"For me, particularly, I was spiritually moved by the sunrise name recital and the celebration of life ceremony on the beach. It was a release, a hope that will get me through the holidays. I know I'm not alone. Other people have survived. So can I. It pleases me to know that all this healing started here on Maui."
Diane has started the Maui Chapter of the Bereaved Parents. It meets every first Thurs. at the Hale Aina Fellowship Hall located behind Keolahou Church at 177 South Kihei Road at 6:30 p.m.