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Elk Grove Citizen
- December 12, 2003
Candle
Ceremony Will Honor Lost Children
By Greg Kane - Citizen staff writer
For Elk Grove resident Darlene Johnson, the pain of losing a child is all too familiar.
Her 13-year-old son Lyle was killed in 1981 after being struck by a car while riding his bicycle on Bond Road. Six years later, tragedy struck again when Lyle's brother, 16-year-old Daryl, died in a car accident.
"It's just like the end of the world when your child dies," Johnson said. "You need to find something positive to do with your loss, and not be bitter."
The Johnsons and other families who have lost a child will gather at Caffe Italia, 1121 Richards Blvd. in Davis, on Sunday for a candle lighting ceremony to honor Children's Memorial Day. Hosted by The Compassionate Friends, a support group for grieving parents, the ceremony is one of many occurring across the globe, said Cecilia Gabrielli-Villanueva, the event's organizer.
Families can set up photographs and enjoy food and drinks beginning at 6 p.m., Gabrielli-Villanueva said. The ceremony will begin at 6:45 p.m. with an opening prayer, after which families will say their child's name and light individual candles from a group flame.
The purpose of the ceremony is to celebrate the memory of lost loved ones during the holiday season, Gabrielli-Villanueva said. This year marks the seventh annual Worldwide Candle Lighting, and the second year of the Davis event.
"It is important as parents of lost children to have a place where we can remember them, particularly during the holidays," she said. "The candle lighting is special because it includes families, not just parents coming by themselves."
Gabrielli-Villanueva began attending Friends meetings in April 2002, two months after her 14-year-old son, Max Sanchez, died suddenly from an undiagnosed heart condition. It was there she met Johnson, who works with people who are new to the group.
"There are so many people in the group who lost kids five to ten years ago who support families who just had losses," Gabrielli-Villanueva said. "People like Darlene are evidence that you can survive after the loss of a child."
Johnson and her husband, Wayne, found Friends soon after Daryl's death in 1981. It was important to have a support network of people to talk to once the initial shock of the loss wore off, Johnson said.
"People go to the funeral, and they bring you food, and then they're gone," Johnson said. "It helped to have others to talk to."
Wayne is now co-chairman of the group's Sacramento chapter, and Johnson continues to help new families cope with their losses. It's not uncommon for a grieving parent to call their Bond Road home in the middle of the night, but Johnson never hesitates to pick up the phone.
"That's why I've stayed in the group so long," Johnson said. "I am able to still remember how it was for me, and I can imagine how they're feeling."
The Compassionate Friends began in England more than 30 years ago. The group has spread across the globe, with more than 600 chapters in the United States alone.
The ceremony is free for the families who wish to attend. Sponsors include: Caffe Italia; The Nugget Market in Woodland; Coldwell Banker Doug Arnold Real Estate, Yolo Federal Credit Union and Appraisal Dynamics, Inc. in Davis; and Rosalie Rios of Elk Grove.
The candle lighting ceremony can be an "uplifting experience" for families who have lost a child, Gabrielli-Villanueva said. Gathering with others who have been through a similar experience helps people realize they are not alone in their grief.
"It is a profound loss that shakes you to the core of who you are as a person," she said. "Many people would not survive without the help of a group like The Compassionate Friends."
The Citizen's Greg Kane can be reached at (916) 685-3945 or at
egcitizennews@hotmail.com
Friday, Dec 12, 2003 |
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